So...

...good talk.

A life lived in fear is a life half-lived

Often, we find ourselves making sacrifices and doing hard things because we believe something good will come out of it. We decide the rewards are worth the risk. We trust we will be blessed. I was sitting in Sunday School last week when the teacher introduced the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. They made a decision knowing that the outcome might result in death. It brings to mind Joseph Smith going to Carthage jail, knowing that his life would be taken from him.

Okay, so nothing to that extreme is happening in my life. Thankfully. But it did cause reflection on small ways in which I've tried to apply the same principle. Recently I was afraid to do something. I was 90% sure that it would not turn out the way I thought I wanted it too...but I did it anyway. Better to try to do the right thing and face my fears than miss out on a chance to grow.

Sometimes it's hard to find

Wow. So it's been forever since I've been on here. So much changes. I thought I had things pretty planned out. Now I am moving on and leaving a city I love and people I love even more. On the other hand, I am excited about new adventures and opportunities to grow.

And yet in the back of my mind comes the thought, "Have you done what you came here to do?"

So. I need some sunshine. We all need some sunshine. Everyone goes through things that are hard for them. (I must sound a little whiny today). So let's infuse a little more sunshine into this post. I absolutely love the family I spent Thanksgiving with this year. They have been like my adopted family and I can't express enough how grateful I am for them. They have opened their home to me, and they have been a sounding board for difficult decisions. Kindness is ALWAYS a good thing and always appreciated. They have shown so much to me and to others.

When you care enough to send the very best...

The past few weeks have definitely been a roller coaster. I realized that there have been times that I have not reacted the way I should when others have tried to serve me.

I have days where I feel like people do nice things so that they either look good to others, or to get people to like them, or to feel better about themselves. Ultimately, we want to do nice things out of love. But I'm beginning to see that all the other reasons are good reasons. At the end of the day, those reasons motivated us to show someone kindness. In the meantime, as we learn to become better and kinder, and we ask ourselves why we do what we do, our hearts change. And the more we show kindness, and the more we receive kindness, the more it will inspire us to love.

This morning, a friend did something as simple as send me an e-card. I love me some Hoops and Yoyo. It took a moment, it gave me a good laugh, and it was personal. No one else was going to see it. No one else was going to know what she had done. But they will now! lol. I am so grateful for all my good friends who reach out, who remember, and who inspire me to be a little better and love a little more.

And she is just one of many.

Welcome relief and new beginnings

Be grateful for good friends and answered prayers. Last year, rumors and then substantiated rumors of layoffs amid budget cuts swirled throughout the university. My job has been incredibly stressful and I've been overloaded for a while. As concern grew, I realized that if layoffs did take place, I wanted it to be me. Not just because I wanted other people to keep their jobs, but I was already doing the work of about two and a half people, and if someone else left, I couldn't handle more being placed on me. A good friend at the time started praying and fasting that I would get laid off. Now I know that sounds weird, but I felt it would be the best thing if budget cuts came to that point.

Yesterday, that prayer was answered. And strangely enough, I am very grateful. It reminds me of a quote from You've Got Mail. "You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn't feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you're not. You are marching into the unknown armed with...nothing. Have a sandwich." In January I get to enter the world of student teaching. In the meantime, I get a chance to decide what it is I really want to be doing. I am so grateful for such a gift.

To all those who make the world a better place

There are a lot of amazing people out there. People who remind you what it means to be a friend. People who are kind in the face of criticism, loving in the face of intolerance, patient in the face of unrelenting demands.

To the friends who are there when you need them, to the teachers who strive to make a difference, and to all those who make the world better by being in it...

On a day I need to remember

When I started this blog, it was on a day when I really needed to remember that what I did made a difference.  Today is another one of those days.  Sometimes it can feel like we work so hard, reach out so often, and rarely if ever see the purpose behind it.  We feel like we have to change the world, and in a world of instant gratification, forget how long it can take sometimes.  And sometimes, we get those small moments where miracles happen.  We get to be in the right place at the right time.  We say the right words. We show sincere love.  And we get to see the change begin.  The rest of the time, we have to remember why we do it.

So today, the thing that I am going to do right is to let what I give change me.

Stay classy

One of the hardest things I've done, or seen other people do, is watch someone I care about be unhappy.  Sometimes life is just hard, and all you can do is listen, comfort, or pray on their behalf.  And when that person is unhappy as a result of their own choices, it breaks my heart.  Recently I witnessed someone handle a very difficult situation with class, maturity, and wisdom beyond her years.  With all she knew, she never shared, never gossiped.  Instead, she showed love when her friend would not accept concern.  When others grew tired of an unending assault of walls thrust in their path, she showed patience in turning those walls into works of art. 

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Recently I've learned a lot of important lessons.  One of the most important has been about healing- not just individually but healing relationships.  Recently someone I know was deeply hurt.  The details are not important.  The pain was inflicted unintentionally, but inflicted all the same.  At times it seems we should not get involved, but here I had been dragged in the middle of it and the anger was steered towards me.  While trying to figure out how to talk to the instigator to repair the situation, my phone rang.  I thought I might be angry, or upset, and want to let them know that what they did was absolutely not okay.  Instead the voice on the phone simply said, "I'm sorry."  Two simple words.  Alone they mean little, but spoken in sincerity and humility, accompanied by actions to heal those really hurt are rare-- and the most courageous words a mere mortal can utter.

It's never too late to back up

Last night I was leaving a friend's house after a crazy week of things not exactly going as planned.  As I walked up to my car.  I noticed two cars going by.  The first one slwed down, and shifted into reverse.  Probably annoyed the car behind it.  The second car finally drove around, as the first car backed up at least 50 feet and stopped behind my car.  Out popped one of my good friends who ran over and said she didn't get a chance to say goodbye and wanted to give me a hug.  A moment of selflessless  and a much needed reminder.

Today's annoyance is tomorrow's reason for celebration

Yesterday I was driving home from work, and all I could think was, "WHERE ON EARTH DID ALL THESE CARS COME FROM??!!!???!" School is out. Students should be gone. But every freeway and backway and sideway was a giant parking lot. Took me forever to get home and I was late for softball. (Rocked at that as a side note. Solid).

This morning I hopped on the freeway to come down to work and discovered a pleasant surprise. No traffic. I drove all the way downtown during rush hour, even on Mopac at 65 mph. (Yes, that Mopac. The one I avoid like the plague).  And then I realized why... 

So to everyone who left town yesterday for Memorial Day weekend--

Thank you for a beautiful morning!

Summet Bucket List

Got a little inspiration this week. It all started with trying to find a way to surprise a friend of mine who just finished school. I wanted to make sure we did something she really wanted to do, so I told her I was making a summer bucket list and was looking for ideas. Little did I know that the idea would take off. I decided to create an online calendar that others could view and submit ideas for. So here we go!

http://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=austinsummerbucketlist%40gmail.com&ctz=America/Chicago

You know what happens when you assume...

Saturday night I was at the grocery store with some friends, one of which has a cast on her foot, the other riding an electric cart. Yes, we're an awesome bunch. We just grabbed a few things and headed for the 10 items or less line. I looked down and realized I had closer to 15, mostly items I had gathered for sandwiches and snacks for people who came to choir practice. I felt a little guilty when I saw the man behind me only had one thing to get. As I saw him glancing at my items, I was nervous that he was getting really annoyed with me. Then he said, "Have you tried Ken's honey mustard? It's really good." I almost burst into a fit of laughter. Here I was thinking someone was getting impatient with me, and he was just being friendly. The things you learn about yourself and others simply waiting in line. :)

As a side note...a little happy music. The strangest songs make me happy.

Pillars of strength

Recently I have been impressed by the amazing strength of the human spirit. Two particularly come to mind.

The first was a brief moment passing someone in the hallway. It is always nice to pass by a smiling face. In this case it was special. Earlier this year, in a single day, she lost her home, her husband, her privacy, and so much more. And yet there she was. Smiling.

The second was a graduate student completing her Master's Recital in Piano Performance. She walked off stage at the end and burst into uncontrollable tears. They continued as family, friends, colleagues, and teachers came to congratulate her. In the moments before they rushed to her, I heard a few simple words. "The last two years were so hard. I made it." The overwhelming emotion of overcoming so much was more than she could contain. Her strength came not just in what she fought through, but in allowing herself to feel it.

Don't talk to Always be nice to strangers

This morning I was waiting in line at the store. I only had one thing to buy, but i was in a rather large and heavy box, so I couldn't go through the self-checkout. Instead I walked to the only open lane that had a cashier. The man in front of me stood with his shopping cart half-full, while the family in front of him was still being checked through. Without hesitating, he turned to me and said, "Is that all your getting?" I told him that it was, at which point he started to move his cart out of the way and told me to go ahead of him. Such a simple gesture. So kind. So considerate. So unexpected. And very much appreciated.

The Lord is merciful, even when we are not...

Yesterday got a little crazy. In the midst of it, I realized I had left my car in 30 minute parking...for an hour and a half. Around here, parking employees seem to be hiding in the bushes, ready to ticket or tow your car as soon as you turn your back. So to the parking employee responsible- thank you. Thank you! No ticket, no towing. My happy little car was spared. :)

As I side note, I think we need a little happy music. And this song makes me super happy.

Sometimes you have to look for it

I seem to find so many reasons to feel joy. When I spend time with friends who are struggling and unhappy, I want so much to put my arms around them and give them a portion of the joy I feel. I guess sometimes I think I could spare a little if it would help someone else. But you can't live on borrowed joy. And so my wish is that each of us can recognize the good, the gifts, and the love in our lives. It's not easy, but if we spent as much time and energy on what was right in our lives as we do on what's not, we'd have room for a little more joy. I've realized a lot of things lately. One of the most important is this:

If you're not happy when you don't get what you want, you're never going to be happy when you do.

Independently "wealthy"

Sometimes the hope comes from what I see people do. Sometimes it's simply a passing thought. I realized today that I will never be independently wealthy, but I have something much better--I'm independently happy. Regardless of circumstances. Regardless of challenges. Or maybe because of them. And so I will spend my life independently "wealthy" in the best possible way.

Pizza and a litte love fixes everything

Early this week, a thought popped in my head. I have a good friend in grad school that has been very stressed. Both our schedules are insanely busy and we barely see each other. Last semester she had posted, a little jokingly, on Facebook that she wanted someone to bring her a Hawaiian pizza. So I told her early this week that I wanted to bring her something on Wednesday in the evening when she was on campus. It came exactly when she needed it most.

This was the second time recently when I had planned to meet up with someone, and it just "happened" to be when someone needed a little extra love. Nothing just happens. :)

Wise men, wise women, wise words

This weekend I think I enjoyed General Conference in a different way. Normally I come away with it with a favorite talk or two. That was not the case this time. Instead, I felt I had favorite themes, principles, doctrines, and specific counsel for my life throughout the weekend. That, is a very happy thought. One of many was shared by President Dieter Uchtdorf in Priesthood Session.

"It is in the waiting rather than the receiving that we grow the most."

Why yes I am. :)

This morning I spent some time teaching fourth graders. As I was gathering my stuff to leave, a girl turned around and said, "You're fun!" Ah, such a sweetheart. It's nice to know a 10 year old thinks you're fun...even after teaching science.

Why it's important to be nice

There are lots of reasons to be nice. Lots and lots. I was reminded of another last week. A while ago I ran into a classmate who I just think is so fun to have in class. I stopped to chat with her and tell her how much I appreciated what she brings. As I talked with her before class last week, she mentioned that when she was teaching a lesson that in her opinion just wasn't working, she remembered something very important: Well she likes me and what I do, even if no one else does. She was able to take that, remember what she did have to offer, and make it through the rest of the lesson.

So if you're having a rough day, and things just aren't working...remember...I like ya!

The shirt off your back...or the shoes out of your trunk

Tonight I was backstage waiting for a chamber recital to start. About 15 minutes to showtime, a performer walked up to me and asked, "Can I borrow your shoes?" She had forgotten to bring black shoes and only had white sneakers. I was wearing some heavy duty boots, but remembered seeing a pair of black flats in my trunk this morning and thinking, "How did those get in here?" So I ran to my car, grabbed the shoes, and a grateful double bass player shuffled in onstage.

You seem different

I've heard this phrase a lot lately. Thankfully it's usually a positive thing. I seem happier. I'm more concerned with actually learning something than just getting a good grade. And so I've been asked what it is that has made the difference.

There are a lot of things, hard things, that I fought to overcome to get where I am now. So I would have to say that's a big part of it.

But when I really thought about it, I remembered a moment I had last year...a decision I made. I wanted to shift my focus and my perspective. I've spent years trying to do the rights things. What brings me real happiness is being able to choose to do good things because I want to and out of love. And so my focus shifted. I turned my attention to my motivations. Some people think that only doing things that you want to do turns into not doing anything. It did the opposite for me. I am more concerned with where my heart is and who I am becoming than just doing the right things.

Now don't get me wrong. I still try to do all that is expected of me. But I am not going to do it because it is expected of me. I want to choose to do them out of a greater love for others and for the one who loves me most.

It's good to see you...

A few nights ago, I stopped by a friend's place during a little get together. As I walked through the door, someone saw me from upstairs and practically ran down the stairs to say hello. Now that will totally make your day.

If all men had been and were and ever would be...

Often I think of this in terms of, "If all men were like Moroni, we wouldn't be single anymore," but this weekend I saw this idea in a whole new light. If all teachers were like the ones I worked with in McAllen on Saturday, our children's education would be in very good hands. It was so inspiring to see teachers that recognized that even though teaching can be hard, it's so rewarding. And no matter how ling they had been teaching in the classroom, they still wanted to learn, to be better for their students, and to change the way their schools and their districts approached education for the better.

What was the last thing you said?

Recently, a colleague of mine suffered a horrible tragedy that's been plastered all over the news. She's one of the kindest women I know. When things like this happen, or when we lose someone, you start to think, "What was the last thing I said to her?" After a moment, I remembered. It was a few weeks ago, before any of this happened. I passed her near the stairs, said hello, and took a moment just to say, "For some, reason, it always brightens my day when I see you." And it's true. It totally does. And it's comforting to know that before this happened, for a small moment, she knew she was loved and appreciated. I made her day. And it didn't take a tragedy to bring that out.

The teacher becomes the student becomes the teacher

Today I taught myself to build a database in Filemaker thanks to a membership to Atomic Learning I received from the University. So it's basic, but tomorrow I'm going to finally start teaching myself to make it do cool stuff. I've used the program for a few years but never really had the chance to learn to build something from scratch. And since budget cuts prevent us from having an IT person who can create the kind of online database I really need, I'm doing the next best thing. It feels really good to learn something new.

Let your light so shine

A few days ago I was crossing the street and stopped to talk to someone that was trying to raise awareness for a cause that was important to them. No one had listened that day so far. As I listened and talked to him, he stopped in the middle of the conversation and said, "Okay, so what is this like majorly positive vibe thing you seem to have coming from you?" Well.....

Giving anyway

My T.A. totally rocks. She talked to me on the phone for an hour today to help me make sense of the lesson plan I was struggling with for an 11th grade US History class. And she was sick. And busy. And exhausted. She was patient with me when I was confused and asked me all the right questions to challenge me to really think about what I was trying to accomplish. Rock on, Ruthie, rock on.

Don't just say "I love you more," say "I love you" more...

It's a phrase never heard enough, never said enough, never meant enough. It can be expressed in grand gestures or quiet, simple acts of service. But, the way I like it most is in it's pure simplicity: "I love you." I can't express enough what it means when you say it.

Getting ahead

This semester I am determined to learn a ton and minimize stress. Felt pretty good when Friday night hit. I had spent some time doing some extra training with my stage managers, and it felt so good to see them feeling confident. I got a jump start on my homework and worked two weeks ahead on the readings for one of my classes. So when I woke up sick today, sneezing and runny nose everywhere, I was so relieved I had worked ahead. I'm pretty much ready for class for the next two weeks and can take a deep breath and relax knowing I have one less thing to worry about. Now if I take a sick day tomorrow and don't go in to work, the building might implode. Hey, you can't win everything. But you can celebrate the small wins. And getting ahead in the right way is definitely a cause for celebration.

Own it

Today I was discussing with a classmate the idea of teaching by letting the novice become an expert. While she was sharing with me some of her thoughts, she totally inspired me. Learning is the one thing you can't do for someone else, the one thing no one can do for you. It's something you own completely...so own it. Be inspired, and let people know that they inspire you.

Making in personal

I have some really good friends, many that I greatly admire. Last night I was reminded of some of the truly amazing qualities they possess. I come across people who love to express love for other people, and at times, it can seem a little impersonal when you hear them say the say little quaint phrases to everyone. But when it becomes personal, when someone expresses appreciation for who you are in a specific and personal way, not just posted on a Facebook wall for everyone to see, but face to face, expressing gratitude for the way you look at life, or your optimism, or your ability to show love and encouragement, or to just listen when someone needs a friend, it really does bring a little sunshine into your heart. And so I thank you generally for your ability to thank specifically, with a renewed resolve to do more to seek out the good in others and to thank them for it.

Little rays can bring a whole lot of light

Donate $10 to the American Red Cross by texting "Haiti" to 90999. As of Thursday, 700,000 customers with AT&T, Verizon, Sprint and T-Mobile did, to the tune of $7 million to help the victims of the horrible tragedy in Haiti. Every little bit helps. Donate to the American Red Cross via text, or on their website at www.redcross.org. Or donate to Doctors Without Borders at doctorswithoutborders.org. Or give to your local congregation's humanitarian fund that can make sure the money goes where it is needed most. Every little bit helps make a big difference.

So many reasons to celebrate

I have many reasons to celebrate this week. Monday was a super special anniversary. Wednesday I went to a totally awesome concert with totally awesome friends. My roommate finally arrived. And that reminds me of more reasons to celebrate. She got up at 6am twice with me this week to go to the gym. This is super awesome for a few reasons. First, she totally doesn't need to be up that early, but got up anyway. Second, yay for roommate bonding. But most importantly, I thought how wonderful it was that I could walk. After spending most of last year on crutches and in a boot, I am just so grateful to have my foot back. And to celebrate, I think it is time to dance!

Put a little love in your heart...

A good friend came to me today who is having a really rough time. I hope that she knows how much she is loved. Life is hard- really hard sometimes. But there is hope. I sent her a little note today, not wanting her to feel like I was preaching to her, but wanting more than anything for her to know that she is not alone, that she is being watched over, that she has a greater capacity to love than she gives herself credit for, and that there are better days ahead.

Not everyone can do what you do

Today at work someone helped do part of the type of job I do...and I watched them lose their cool a little bit and show their frustration at trying to juggle the situation. I was grateful for the reminder that not everyone can do what I do, and do it with a smile. And I totally saved a singer's dress today. :) Hooray for pliers.

It is better to give than to give

I had a conversation with a friend this week about being a good friend (she is wonderful by the way). I went with her to be moral support one night for something she was nervous about. She had apologized for not being a very good friend recently and not being there enough. The truth is, back in November I had something I had been pouring my life into, and she was the one who showed up to show me support when I needed it most. And as much as it meant to me to be able have her there, what a beautiful gift she gave me by letting me be there for her.

It is good to give...but is it better to give room for others to give? I vote for both. :)

You're Welcome

Driving home from work, I was sitting at a stoplight....forever...and "Five Hundred Miles" came on the radio. To say I was rocking out would be an understatement. Singing at the top of my lungs...bouncing my head...dancing in my seat...and providing ample entertainment to the driver's around me.

You're welcome.

Growing

Today I had a scary meeting with my supervisor. Or at least I thought it would be scary. I've been trying to find I way to show him that I need a more reasonable work load/schedule. And I wasn't emotional, I wasn't aggressive, I wasn't demanding, and I wasn't afraid. I was calm, confident, and at peace. Look at me learning to work with difficult people...and learning to trust promptings.

To the driver of the red Ford SUV...

To the driver of the red Ford SUV...thank you for not only allowing me to merge so I could get on 183, but letting in another car as well. When the BMW rushed in at the last minute in front of me, I felt glad to do it after your kindness. Sometimes I think cars and freeways were created to reveal our true character, and dear driver, your character is beautiful.

The first ray

Today I was walking down the hallway at work and came upon a student who was very lost. No surprise since the office they were looking for is in an obscure place you would only find if you knew the building. It was on the way to where I was headed anyway, so I showed a very grateful student the way. In the process I had a few thoughts. So many times I come to work and wonder if what I am doing even matters, that because of budget limitations, burned out employees, and constant frustrations, it's hard to feel like I can do anything to keep a positive attitude. And yet in that moment, I wanted to thank that student. I wanted to thank him for the look of relief when he found his way, for having the courage to ask a stranger for help, and for letting me be a little ray of sunshine today.